Why I Know I'm Going Crazy:

Today the walk home from campus was great. Temperature was just perfect, it's a Friday and the weekend can officially start, I could smell the hints of fall in the air (or maybe that was just Brick Oven...) nothing could stop the day from satisfactioning me.

Or so I thought...

Just when I'm at my peak of enjoyment I realize there's some crazy person walking right behind me even though there's a whole open world within which they don't have to invade my personal space! Now I'm a bit unnerved by this stranger gettin all up in my back bumper, but I know I've been in the same position where two people's paths sort of converge and you're suddenly walking almost arm in arm with a complete stranger. So I try to distance myself by picking up my pace, and what do you know, I hear this person's footsteps match exactly my cadence so they're still right on my tail!

So then I'm all, "K, Alexandra (my inner monologue is always very formal and uses my full name), this person's obviously in a hurry, you need to outsmart them by sloooowing down." Perfect, can do! It's already hard to text and walk at the same time, much less do it all at a faster pace, so I gear down to an absolute crawl and can anyone guess? The person slowed down to an identical crawl, steps matching mine to the very beat.

Well now this stranger's outsmarted even my inner monologue, and I have no idea how to get them off my back. After emitting a few audible huffs I finally make this huge dramatic gesture by stepping all the way off the sidewalk as well as turning to face the perpetrator (kind of like a glisse-half-pirouhette if you will) and what do I see?!!!

(picture added solely for dramatic effect)

Nothing!

There was not a soul there. This whole scenario was all in my head.

So now I'm freaking out and imagining me like Bruce Willis in the Six Sense, and wondering which of my friends are going to believe me when I tell them I have a connection with the "other side," and then I realize my backpack's unzipped. Unzipped so far that every time I take a step the contents slosh back and forth to make it sound like a step on the sidewalk right behind me.

Boycott Finals

The end of April is upon us and tis the season where I start losing all will to succeed/pass/scrape by/live through finals. And with 19 credits I'm definitely feeling like this:


Except instead of that calculator (which I haven't used since my Sophomore year in High School--thank you English program) insert MLA handbook.

It's about this time when I start thinking about my other options in life. Ones that don't involve a 10 pg research paper on the parallels between the geology of the moors and the psychology of Catherine Earnshaw. And I don't know if its all the medieval literature talking, but joining a nunnery is starting to look pretty good.

Admittedly, my cross-stitching could use a little brushing up on, and I've never loved black and white on my complexion, but I think this could work. Plus, if it's anything like Sister Act I know I could handle it because I am GREAT at jump rope.

Or maybe I could just handle this slump BYU style and marry my way out of school. Although, there is that tiny problem of finding someone who would be at least acquiescent of this request. . . Well in 8th grade a homeless man outside of Albertson's said he would marry me, so maybe he's still up for the job? Here's an artist's depiction, if you go to a Provo Albertson's sometime, tell him his wife is looking for him.

Or maybe I could become another "gal in the workplace":
I mean, Rosie the Riveter is still a total hottie. Ok, you're right, I don't exactly know what riveting is, much less how it's done, but I'm pretty sure learning that isn't as hard as frantically catching up on all the Humanities reading I assured myself I would do before the final. But I don't think I would look quite as good in that bandana (I wonder what gang sports the red and white polka dots) and I know my hair would never do that awesome John Travolta loopdeloop at the top there.

But when it comes down to it, as much as I would love to do these things, I just really don't have the stones to go through with it. School is safe. It's all I know. I've been doing it for fourteen years now. I think I'm just going to call it a night and hope I wake up with a little more vigor and vim.

Philosophy, Shmilosophy

So after spending about an hour trying to read Nicomachean Ethics of Aristotle (and by "trying" I mean staring at a lot of little black circles and lines while letting my mind formulate its own philosophical questions like: What color was my retainer in third grade? Do I eat enough fiber? If I learned the "Single Ladies" music video, would Beyonce be my best friend?) I've finally come to the conclusion that sometimes school is hard, just to be hard. I don't think my professors really believe that someone in the professional world will ask me how Aristotle cured Polio (I still haven't finished the reading), and I probably will never think about this text again once I take the test. 

With 19 credits and a huge tendency to procrastinate, I spend a fair amount of my time looking like this little girl. But at least I know I'm not the only one in the world. In one of my classes I was engaging in one of my favorite pastimes: Laptop Spying; when I stumbled across a real gem of a note-taker. This student provides full commentary to the boring bullet points our professor provides. Commentary like "I wonder if this guy in front of me knows how bad he's sweating" and "Never eat Taco Bell before another 3 hr evening class again" keeps going to class worthwhile. But the first thing that drew my prying eye to his MacBook screen was this:

WHY AM I HERE???! 

I don't even know who Jeffrey (original spelling) Chaucer is, much less how the black plague influenced his ideas on the aristocracy!

Thank you. Thank you God for letting me know that not everyone at BYU was born writing thesis statements in MLA format while playing a piano concerto they wrote while they were helping the orphans in Somalia. There are some mortals out there. Even if we're too afraid to admit that we don't keep our Organic Chemistry textbook to use as reading material for that next plane ride we have to our prestigious internship in Washington DC to anyone but a Word document, it's OK. There are dozens of us, DOZENS!

I'm Home! Now What...

My country tis of thee,
Land where the water's free,
Of thee I sing.
Land where the dollar's used
Brits' slang won't me confuse
Back to plain old BYU
Let freedom ring.

I know you've heard the rumors, and they are true.
I am home.
[insert elated cheering here]
Christmas and New Years have been great, I've had some big activities like eating, watching my favorite TV shows, (DogTown, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, America's Next Top Model etc.) eating some more, snowboarding, (too bad my little sister's already better than me) a little more eating, coming to the realization of how out of shape I truly am at good old Gold's Gym, and of course, eating still more. It's been kind of lazy. But I do start the real world of BYU in about 10 hours, and seeing how I haven't been to a real college class in... well, longer than it's been since Paris Hilton had her last DUI that's for sure, it might be a little bit of a culture shock.
Although I am looking forward to having a little structure in my life and having more to do than just eat and entertain myself during the day, it's going to be a bit difficult to step back into the competitive world of Cougars. To combat this anxiety, I decided to make some New Years resolutions. 4 days late.

1. Stop procrastinating. As you can see my New Years resolutions done on the fourth of January is a telltale sign of what a big part of my life this is.
2. Get a job. This is probably going to mean a lot less America's Next Top Model.
3. Stop wasting so much time. This is definitely going to mean a lot less America's Next Top Model.
4. Make friends in ALL my classes. I'm starting to think that this post displays my social skills as somewhat under par, but really I'm a pretty friendly person. Mostly. There's just something about being in class that shuts me down. But not this year.
5. KEEP THESE RESOLUTIONS!

Yes. I realize the last one is kind of covered in the fact that the aboves are "resolutions" and not just some happy thoughts on life, but I thought if I typed it out it might help me realize it. That's why it's in all caps too. I once heard that if you typed something in all caps then it is the online equivalent of yelling. So forgive me for raising my voice. I'm just excited to start school.