Friday, September 10, 2010

Why I Know I'm Going Crazy:

Today the walk home from campus was great. Temperature was just perfect, it's a Friday and the weekend can officially start, I could smell the hints of fall in the air (or maybe that was just Brick Oven...) nothing could stop the day from satisfactioning me.

Or so I thought...

Just when I'm at my peak of enjoyment I realize there's some crazy person walking right behind me even though there's a whole open world within which they don't have to invade my personal space! Now I'm a bit unnerved by this stranger gettin all up in my back bumper, but I know I've been in the same position where two people's paths sort of converge and you're suddenly walking almost arm in arm with a complete stranger. So I try to distance myself by picking up my pace, and what do you know, I hear this person's footsteps match exactly my cadence so they're still right on my tail!

So then I'm all, "K, Alexandra (my inner monologue is always very formal and uses my full name), this person's obviously in a hurry, you need to outsmart them by sloooowing down." Perfect, can do! It's already hard to text and walk at the same time, much less do it all at a faster pace, so I gear down to an absolute crawl and can anyone guess? The person slowed down to an identical crawl, steps matching mine to the very beat.

Well now this stranger's outsmarted even my inner monologue, and I have no idea how to get them off my back. After emitting a few audible huffs I finally make this huge dramatic gesture by stepping all the way off the sidewalk as well as turning to face the perpetrator (kind of like a glisse-half-pirouhette if you will) and what do I see?!!!


(picture added solely for dramatic effect)

Nothing!

There was not a soul there. This whole scenario was all in my head.

So now I'm freaking out and imagining me like Bruce Willis in the Six Sense, and wondering which of my friends are going to believe me when I tell them I have a connection with the "other side," and then I realize my backpack's unzipped. Unzipped so far that every time I take a step the contents slosh back and forth to make it sound like a step on the sidewalk right behind me.

4 comments:

Nikki said...

the whole time I was expecting for you to say it was your ward pal with the prominent chin. you know the way I like you best is completely nuts.

Rachel Dean-Dastrup said...

I wouldn't have been surprised if you had said you had a stalker, or a few of them actually!

Haha, you are too skool for cool.

Musing Elitist said...

hahaha....too funny.

Anonymous said...

That's happened to me...on a regular basis.