Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Coming Of Age In London

Seeing as my dear friend Jordyn is about to turn twenty and leave the safety of her teen years to enter into true adulthood, I have been thinking a lot about the future. And I don't really like it. It scares me to be as old as I am. I don't like that I can remember things that were ten years ago, and I don't like that kids who I baby-sat are getting their licenses, but I especially don't like that in a few months' time I will no longer be a teenager and I'll end up being one of those people that tell you that they were once your age not too long ago, and then the recipient of the lecture just rolls their eyes as I fix my dentures and pull up my panty hose.
But instead of lamenting my fear of growing up, I decided to take affirmative action with where my life is headed, so I'm devoting this post to a list of things I'd like to do before I'd die.
Please note that this list is provisional, and subject to change.

1. Be in a Britney Spears music video. (I know everyone says she's past her glory, but the classics never die)
2. Raise a lion cub (I might settle with just petting one, after I thought about how big lion poop probably is) so I can have a "Christian the lion" experience. If you haven't seen this on youtube, I highly recommend it. It changed my life.
3. Make a fat-free croissant and fat-free bacon. Or just live long enough to see it done.
4. Find evidence of a mysterious phenomenon (i.e. Bigfoot, Lochness monster, UFO etc.) and be published in the National Enquirer.
5. Eat at Beto's (your finest 24 hr. burrito supplier) and not regret it. Just once!
6. Make an ice sculpture like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
7. Become cultured enough that I no longer am entertained by low-budget and low IQ reality TV shows. They get me every time.
8. Come to be unashamed that I really love baked beans, carrot cake and corn bread.
9. Perfect the Angelina Jolie Sexy Scowl.
10. Yield more raw power than Oprah herself.

I know those are some pretty lofty goals, but at least I have 6 months before I really have to start thinking about them.
I wish I could say the same for Jordyn.


Ann said...

Go for it! Excellent goals!

Here's how you can avoid pulling up your pantyhose. Don't wear pantyhose.

Did you go to the Lord Mayor's Parade today (the 11th?) When I went (a million years ago before I started pulling up my pantyhose) I was touched by the sight of all those people with paper poppies on their lapels.

Jordyn Canady said...

Thanks for the shout out...I think. You know how sensitive I am at this point in my life, so can we keep the macabre tone to a minimum? Was this an incorrect use of macabre? I'm running out of time to answer questions like these.

Anna said...

I'm in love with your blog. And the fact you still believe in Brittney. And Bill Murray's skill in ice sculptures.

And I want a lion cub to love me.

holli hale said...

Alex, your goals inspire me. I especially enjoyed the one about raising a lion cub. haha! we can begin that when we go to see Lion King. ad if you ever need someone to get beto's with you at 2 in the morning, I'm always down for a burrito.

Megan said...

I would love to hand out the London Paper with you! Just tell me when and where!

Anna said...

Okay, so I as I was doing my regular rounds of blog stalking, I came to your blog (to find no update).

And that Elms song started playing and I had to verse my amazement... because I LOVE THAT SONG!

It's like we have the same childhood or something.

Okay bye. See you everyday. In Paris. Homie.

camille said...

alex! i am sooo happy i discovered your blog. you are a very entertaining human being.

Jordyn said...

JUST SAW THIS AGAIN and I am so happy. And pretty embarrassed all over again about my crisis! I was/am DUMB. Wow. But I definitely still love this shout-out.

Alexandra Sandvik said...

Haha oh Jordyn you don't know how I dumb I feel every time I look at this. 20?! Seriously. Maybe it was all the pewt in London that made us so worried about the future.